Shitting

Sometimes I don’t quite know how to feel about taking a shit. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the relief that comes with shitting…pissing too…but I don’t want to be one of those guys that’s too into shitting. We all know a guy who’s just way too into shitting:

If you really like

taking a long and thick shit

you should try anal

I’m talking about receiving it, not giving it. That’s why I don’t want to be one of those guys who runs around singing the praises of shitting. It’s sort of gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Run to the bathroom

Lock the door, pull off my pants

My shit slowly falls.

That’s what I call a slice of life. It’s like the Buddy Bolden’s blues of Haiku. Did I just lose you? Is the Dennis Miller quotient all of a sudden too high on this fucking website? Read a book you ignorant motherfuckers. Ok ok, I’ll dumb it back down for you:

Eating McDonalds

Will oftentimes lead to a

case of the McShits

I’m talking specifically about the double quarter pounder (or as I like to call it, the half pounder–sorry I know I said I’d dumb it down…no more math, I promise). If you’re ever feeling backed up, the way to go would probably be to get one of those and wait about an hour. I guarantee you’ll see sesame seeds in the bowl, or your money back.

Is it just me or

Do other people save up

for a massive shit?

I do this with piss too. Getting that sweet relief and letting it wash over you in waves is like a cheap and natural high. Like chewing coca leaves. Or like smoking weed. Wait. What?

The one ring is when

You take such a massive shit

that it curls the bowl.

Screenshot_2013-02-01-11-14-44

One ring to rule them all

I’m a grown ass man.

So how come I sometimes have

underwear remnants?

Funny story about that. One time I was out on a date with this girl, and we were drinking and having a great time. She invited me back to her place, and one thing led to another and somehow my dick wound up in her mouth…like three times. I slept over, and went home the next day, and when I took off my underwear, I noticed that I had a little skid mark action going on in there. This is why women deserve a medal. A medal for bj’s. Those bj’s could not have been pleasant to administer.

To avoid skid marks.

Use baby wipes to clean up.

It’s not really gay.

And now you’re all getting an inside peek at my thoughts. How can you get a series of bj’s only to find skid marks, and not stop to reevaluate your life? It’s the responsible thing to do.

Have you ever tried

to put down toilet paper

to prevent splash-back?

Inventing new technology…it’s man’s destiny. You take like one square of toilet paper, and you just float it in the center of the bowl. That way when your shit hits the water, the shock is absorbed by something. See what you learn at this website?

Do you ever get

completely naked to shit?

Or is that just me?

Don’t judge me, just try it!

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