Money (I’m rich as fuck)

Those of us who are

rich as fuck aren’t like you.

We’re superior.

Fun fact, but that’s actually true. I derive my fabulous wealth from my superior intellect and education, and dashing good looks, and superior physique and athletic ability. All of those factors combine in such a way to make me rich. Even if you took all my ungodly sums of money away, and threw me out onto the street, it would just be a matter of time before I accumulated all of it all over again. It’s science.

My wealth and power

makes me immune to disease.

I’m an immortal.

That’s one of those things we wealthy people don’t like to advertise too much, but also true. The richer you are, the longer you live. It’s science. Bill Gates is actually 283 years old. Those of us with wealth and power know these things. You don’t.

Why can’t poor people

Just make a bunch of money

so we can be friends?

Seriously guys, your poverty is really fucking me up. There’s nothing worse than trying to be friends with poor people. I hate it when I want to take the yacht down to the Bahamas for the day, and they’re all like, “Oh no, I have to work to support my family…blah blah blah.” I usually tune right out after the first few words, so I can’t say I’ve ever followed the argument all the way to the end. What was I saying?


Fuck you, I’m rich

I hate poor people.

They have a distinct odor.

It smells like failure.

Have you smelled a poor…I mean yourself…lately? You probably smell. Cause you’re poor. That’s another reason why I can’t be around poverty. It’s so gross. And the only thing that really helps is a fist full of hundreds.

Noticing the bums,

thinking about all my debt,

I realize I’m poor.

I was showing some of these haiku to my rich friends, and one of them told me that if you take all the money that I have in my bank accounts, minus my total debts, I have minus money. It’s still a lot of money, but it’s got a little minus sign in front of it, which I think means that I don’t have that money. The bums on the street have money, but like,  in a cup. And that cup money has no minus in front of it. Somebody told me that the bum “technically” has more more money than I do because of that. I…I don’t know what to do now.

Realizing I’m poor,

I start to notice my stench.

I need to shower.

Showering for days.

The stink of my poverty

isn’t coming off.

As I sit here writing these ‘ku in my luxury apartment, wearing two day old underwear with shitty remnants, I have to stop and ask myself, is the stink really poverty? Or is it the shitty remnants in my underwear?

I got paid today.

already smelling better,

I need my next check.

It was the poverty.

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